How many times have you called yourself a horrible name, that when someone on the park called you “Maria!”, you forgot it was you. How many times have you keep yourself hidden, imprisoned in the four sided place you call your fortress? Until when? When will you know that among all, you are hurting yourself the most.
Every single time, you think you are not doing things right, you expect more of yourself but you think less of what you do. Even if by blood and sweat, you tried. You still don’t feel good enough. And nothing will feel right if you don’t think it is. Nothing will be alright when you continue to soak in your pointless sadness, in dejection, and in tears. Not until you stop thinking that you were the faulty wiring or the glitch in the system.
Is it others that should dictate your happiness? How many times have we let others affect us so much when all along we knew we don’t deserve all the injustice and tears in the world? We deserve more so we should decide for ourselves. Let the grief pass by then let it go, but do not live and dwell on it.
Stop the seem to be never ending darkness and heaviness of the heart, of the mind and of the soul. You are continuously buffing, still expecting for the connection to link and load. But no. There isn’t just anymore. And you need to wake up. The first few steps to healing is difficult and long. It’s going to be so achy that as if you are going through everything again. Sometimes God wanted to give us something we cannot and sometimes never understand, so the trick all the time is just to follow His lead and road, it is not always beautiful but in the end (hence the Prophecy says we will be living in a land abundant with honey and milk) it will truly be breathtaking and worth it.
Stop hating yourself. You’re the only thing you have but you are whole.
Cheers to recovery and warmth.